A Shortened Life
“[W]e never know how much time we have. We need to live NOW. Serve now. Love now. Be the difference you want to see in the world NOW.” Christine Comaford-Lynch
How do you deal with the loss of someone you love who had their whole life ahead of them?
This is an incredibly painful post to write … a kind of bearing-my-soul message. My heart is heavy! If it can help just ONE person then it is worth it.
He was 26 years old, a graduate exchange student. He was brilliant, intuitive, highly disciplined and he had a career path that was the envy of all. His professors gave him stellar reviews. He could have attended any school in the United States that he selected.
Our family embraced him, loved him and learned a new culture from him. Sometimes after a discussion with him your brain would be on overload. He was quiet, but what he had to say was deep and thought-provoking. He was truly a gentle soul.
His English was captivating as French and German were his native languages. Sometimes he would use a phrase in a very unusual way and then catch himself when he saw us smile.
But the one gift he did not have was length of years. He ended his life six days ago.
For a man who wrote six or seven hours a day it was unusual that he left no message. We will never know why … We will NEVER understand …
How easy it is to forget that life is a precious gift.
A wise man once told me that when you lose someone dear to you, take a single attribute of that person and incorporate it into your own life. In some small way they then continue to live through you. If there is any solace in this horrible scenario, that might be it.
So today I’m going to reach out to friends and family. It is time to squeeze the juice out of every single moment of today. Life is fragile — let us take advantage of every second!
Hopefully you have never experienced a tragedy like the loss of a young, beloved friend. If you have, I’d take great comfort in hearing how you have coped with it. It is hard not to revert to the “if only” phrase. If only I would have reached out more. If only I would have told him how special he was to our family … But that is counterproductive now.
There are many questions that will never be answered.
Thoughtfully,
Dar
January 18th, 2010 at 1:10 pm
Darlene,
Dave and I are so sorry to hear your sad news. We have not had such a tragedy amongst our family, but we have a friend whose brother ended at his life nearly 2 years ago now and I saw how deeply it affected her and her family.
Your message about taking advantage of every second is so very true, and it is so sad that you were reminded of this truth in such a tragic way.
We’re sure he did know how special he was to your family through all your loving actions.
Dave & Dawn
January 18th, 2010 at 1:25 pm
Dave and Dawn,
Thanks for your heartfelt message. We need to affirm those we love on a regular basis. It is so easy to take life for granted!
January 20th, 2010 at 9:59 pm
Darlene, your words stop us in our tracks. They remind us how valuable, fragile, and precious our lives are. You remind us of those we will forever miss. I’m sorry to hear of the loss your family is going through right now. I’m sure your family is deeply burdened by his passing. (((hugs))) for you hun.
January 22nd, 2010 at 8:08 pm
A very moving story Darlene and it reminds me of a book i just read called Tuesdays with Morrie. The author teaches us that we first have to understand death to be able to live a full life and appreciate what we have right now. Your post just brought all that back to me and how grateful i am for the life love and family i have.
January 26th, 2010 at 6:23 pm
Darlene,
I’m so sorry for your loss and appreciate your courage in bearing your soul before us all. Please know that whether or not you expressed your feelings to this talented young man, he was well aware of your love in his life, and it gave him strength.
We can never truly know the thoughts and feelings of those we come into contact with every day, and it often shocks me to learn that even those who seem overly confident are at times riddled with fear, doubt, and insecurity. It just goes to prove that we need to treat every person in our lives with love, respect, and kindness.
Thank you for reminding us of the importance of living in the now, and for your message about the fragility of life.
God bless you and your family,
Kathy J
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January 27th, 2010 at 6:58 am
Kathy,
It is true that we seldom know what the person next to us thinks and feels. This experience has taught me to be less critical and a lot more open to seeing the beauty in every person I come in contact with.
Thanks for your loving, encouraging thoughts. I appreciate you:)
Dar
February 12th, 2010 at 9:25 pm
My friend’s son ended his life two years ago. It was such a shocker for everyone! They are a great church-going family and we couldn’t believe it! The guilt that the family and friends felt was tremendous! At the funeral, the message was shared that life doesn’t end here and while he is on the other side he’ll be able to progress and grow past the pain that led him to ending his life. I wish I could articulate the beautiful message that comforted us all. God Bless!
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