For the next 18 minutes, with the sounds of animals being bathed and clipped in the background, I listened as Nancy laughed, cried and told her story:

“My mom died last week and now I am an orphan.  She lived in a wheelchair with a severe disability for over 24 years, but she was not ready to go.  Now there is no one ahead of me—both of my parents are gone.  The glue that held our family together has been dissolved.”

She went on to paint a picture of a lady who was an active member in TOPS, a philanthropist, and a devoted mother.  She took comfort in thinking of her mom’s soul being free to run and take long walks and use her arms for cultivating that garden that she had always wanted.

At her mom’s memorial service, Nancy listened to numerous stories about her mom from friends she hadn’t met.  She cried when that daily phone call from her mom never came.

Having lost both of my parents, I empathized with her, laughed with her and cried with her.  Life without your parents is a dichotomy of liberation and severe loss.  Yes, I could wear flaming red nail polish and dye my hair purple after my parents passed on.  There was no one there to give me “that look” of disapproval.  But after 27 years, I still can’t hear the song, “Precious Lord” or buy a Mother’s Day card without feeling pain.

This afternoon when I pick Abbie up, I’ll leave a sympathy card with Nancy, along with a tchotchke  to remind her that friends are supporting her.  She may consider herself an orphan, but she’s not alone!

When you lose a parent or loved one, take the single strength you admire most in them and incorporate that quality into your own life.  In some small way, they will then continue to live life through you.  When you consciously employ that one quality in your day-to-day life, you’ll think of them and it will give you strength and warm memories to embrace you.

In Loving Memory,

Dar

As part of our annual Mother’s Day celebration, my brother, Arthur R. Davis, Jr., M.D., wrote a letter to our mom.

On this early Mother’s Day morning, I felt compelled to share it with you:

Dear Mom,

It has been 27 years since you took your last breath with me standing at your side.  For some, that would seem to be a very long time.  For me it seems just like yesterday.

The mark you left on my life – as well as giving me life – was indelible!  Every day and frequently throughout the day, I use the gifts and talents that you both passed on and cultivated in me to bless others.  I can truly say as did Mary, the Mother of Jesus, “I am blessed of God because of you!”

What you taught me so well was this lesson:  It doesn’t matter what you have, what things look like, how popular I am or how good it feels.  What matters is who I am, what I stand for and how I treat my fellow man.

Time and again you modeled this in your life.  What you responded to in me and others was our needs.  You were so intuitive about sensing them and so effective at addressing them.  If I needed, you were there.  If anyone else needed you, you were there for them.

Two more things I wish to highlight, Mom.  First, was your walk with God.  It was so practical and yet so powerful.  I saw miracles happen because of your faith.  Miraculous changes in peoples’ lives –they became different human beings.  I love that walk and in ways it has become my walk.

The second thing I wish to share with you is your love.  I’ve heard people talk about unconditional love, but with you I experienced it.  No matter where I was, how I acted or what I did or didn’t accomplish, your love was there.  I felt it, I saw it and I reveled in it.

Thank you Mom for being my Mother, my role model, and my inspiration.

I love you,

Art

Settling into the back seat, I noticed that the driver felt lonely and pretty depressed.

Mother Teresa’s story flashed into my mind. She was being interviewed by Pat McMahon in Phoenix. Elated that he was in the presence of Mother Teresa, he repeatedly asked her what he could do for her. After multiple attempts, this 80 pound 4’10” woman tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Patrick, if you really want to do something for me, get up at 4:00 tomorrow morning. Go out on the streets of Phoenix and find someone who is lonely. Make them feel that they’re not alone—that they do count.”

Employing the essence of her story, I started talking with the cab driver. His story was painful to hear.   He was driving a converted police car twelve hours a day for six days a week. He shared the cab with another guy who drove it the other twelve hours. Each Monday morning they paid the cab owner $600 for the use of the car. He went on to recount his journey from Ethiopia to the United States seven years ago and he shared some of his life experiences.

As I left the cab he smiled and it seemed that his shoulders were a little straighter. We shook hands and went our separate ways.

We never know what burden the person next to us is carrying. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “The peace that you want for yourself, want it more for someone else.”

The message that rings loud in my head is give, give, give!  A small gesture can go a long way to helping the brother or sister beside you.

Do you feel that power, that mindset? Whew! It gives me chills …

With an Attitude of Giving,

Dar

Yours In Success,

Dar

What’s your response when someone in a service industry goes out of their way to help you?  They really make a strong impression on you.  Do you let them know how they impacted your day?

A couple of days ago I took my car into a dealership for servicing.  In order to get a loaner car you needed your license and proof of insurance — duh!  I had just changed handbags so I was without my insurance info  (talk about feeling stupid …).

The car loaner office was a cold trailer.  It was 7:00 a.m. and it looked like the little girl behind the desk hadn’t had her morning cup of coffee.  When I explained my predicament, she called my insurance company and had them fax a copy of the insurance card to her.  It took an extra 8 minutes to do.

There was a line behind me.  She could have just said, “Nope, I’m sorry.  You can drive a Ford but not a Honda today.”

When I picked up my car the next day I called the owner of the dealership (having worked with him in a past life).  I enthusiastically let him know what an extraordinary employee he had in the car rental department.

The owner told me that his son had just returned from college and set up a Facebook Fan Page for the dealership.  I texted a great review of my experience on their Fan Page, too.

That simple act of kindness made my day.

“At 211 degrees, water is hot.  At 212 degrees, it boils.  And with boiling water, comes steam.  And with steam, you can power a train.” Sam Parker

Just ONE degree makes all the difference in the world.  One action that goes beyond the norm creates an open, receptive environment where you want to do more business with that individual or company.  You WANT to come back ‘cuz they made you feel good!

I’d love to hear your “extra mile” experiences.  Have you sent a note or spoken with an owner or manager acknowledging the event?  Did you let the guy/girl know they made your day?  Please share your stories below.

Striving For The Extra Mile,

Dar

Carole  King’s  song,  “You’ve Got A  Friend”  promises  “Winter, spring,  summer, or fall–all you’ve got to do is call–and  I’ll be there.” Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.

What do you do when a friend for many years “checks out” of your friendship?

While our society rarely talks about it, the loss of a long-term friend with whom you have shared a lengthy history and one who has weathered the grumpy-not-so-beautiful moods, can be as painful as the loss of a romantic relationship.

Few people get to know us as we truly are.

A select handful shares our joy, sorrow, pain, school grades, birth of children, divorce, wealth and happiness with us.  We open ourselves to them, leaving us vulnerable.  They are woven into the very fabric of our lives.  When that thread is taken away the fabric feels torn.

We had never been able to communicate when there was a disagreement.  We would just stop talking for a month or so until whatever bothered us blew over.  Driving home from work after a span of time one of us would call the other one.  This was someone who I called my sister.  She was part of my family and I never considered life without her.

A simple email that stated “We no longer have anything in common” changed that.

I spent several months feeling pain in the loss of friendship.  I felt incredibly sorry for myself and played old worn out tapes of would’a, should’a, could’a.   I waited for that 5:30 p.m. call on the way home from work that never came.

It was time to face change!

How to do that gracefully?

I witnessed it through the example of a beautiful 84-year-old woman.  Eight months ago she lost her life long companion.  Three months thereafter a pacemaker was installed to regulate her heart beat.  A month ago she moved across the US, leaving her home of 53 years.  She moved into a senior living facility—and guess what?  The next day she went to breakfast and started meeting people.  She learned the California freeway system so she could be independent.  She is now taking classes in art, knitting and online education.

While I am sure that she did her share of grieving, she seized each day and marched forward.  She filled her being with new challenges, people and experiences.  She laughed and danced and opened her heart again …

So the lesson here is to face loss head-on.  If you need to grieve, do so.  Send love to the one who dismissed you and wish them well in the future.  Then get busy and immerse yourself in The Now.  See the sunshine in each day and awaken with an Attitude of Gratitude!

In the words of Katie Freiling, an incredible teacher/mentor of mine, “The more we open to life and become the ‘experiencer’ of it, rather than staying attached to any certain person, place, or experience, the more bliss and peace we will invite into our lives.”

How have you handled change when it stared you in the face?  I’d love to hear your ideas in the comment section below

Carpe Diem!