In light of what is happening in our World today, this is the most powerful message I have ever read!  It stopped me in my tracks and has remained an indelible image in my thoughts:

Once again, a shout out to Emily Aviles at Ode Magazine for giving me the permission to share Anne’s email with you.  It is my hope and fervent prayer that we will be able to connect with Anne in Sendai.  She needs to know how much we care, how deeply her words have impacted us, and the love and support we forward back to her on a daily basis.

Thoughtfully,

One week ago I felt powerless to walk 12’ to confront a stranger.  That experience coughed up childhood memories of feeling powerless.  From them, I developed coping skills (albeit not always healthy ones) to drag myself out of that framework.

This week, powerlessness has been a focal point of many conversations with trusted friends.  A poignant talk brought tears to my eyes and pain in my heart.  Walking the same walk that I do (literally), Linda Cox shared her experience of flying alone to New York City, watching her family walk on the beach, and struggling with the iron clad fatigue of multiple sclerosis.

Phew!  That’s a tough one!

Powerlessness is a brick wall in front of us to walk through, jump over or go around.  So let’s qualify powerless.  With definition comes clarity, right?

An “a ha” moment hit me when I read Martha Beck’s article in O Magazine:  How to Tap Into Your True Power.  She defines, quite simply, how to “break out of that helpless place.”

First, we must realize that we do not have power over everything in our lives—if that were the case I’d have curly hair, no wrinkles and not be dealing with MS.  However, the truth is there are NO circumstances where we are completely powerless.  We allow fear to creep in and seize control.  There is fear of what people will say, what will they think of us, and fear of the great what if?

Here’s the guide to distinguishing between fear (powerlessness) and the power of love:

FEAR

Always feels bad
Motivates grasping
Seizes control
Insists on certainty
Needs everything

LOVE

Always feels good
Motivates liberation
Relaxes control
Accepts uncertainty
Needs nothing

“The process of spotting fear and refusing to obey it is the source of all true empowerment …  Real power is usually unspectacular, a simple setting aside of fear that allows the free flow of love.  But it changes everything.” (emphasis added)

As a perpetual student of life, I’d love to hear how you have handled powerlessness in your life.  What has helped you break through brick walls?  Please share your thoughts in the comment section below.

With love,

There is a shadowy figure on the other side of the street pushing a baby stroller. The third time they cross the street with a measure of hesitation, my suspicion is aroused.

Wait! There is a baby stroller alright, but it is filled with empty recycle water bottles. The person (I assume is a woman) is dressed in a black warm up suit with the hood of the sweatshirt pulled over their face, obscuring their features. Man or woman? It is impossible to tell.

Are they homeless? Waiting to go through my trash? Needing a hot cup of coffee on a chilly morning?

He/She sees me standing there watching them. They stop and observe school buses filled with students pass them on the way to the high school across the street from my home. My presence doesn’t seem to annoy them.

They slowly amble down the sidewalk to the school construction site where the gates are locked. When they shake the wrought iron gate to see if the doors will open, alarm bells begin to clang in my head. Once again, the question is: Is this a cold, homeless person looking for a warm corner on the school grounds, or someone who could potentially do major damage on the school grounds?

Standing at curbside in mismatched pajamas it is decision time for me. Where is my camera when I need it? Who would think that the mundane act of taking trash to the curb would create an event with such conflicting irony?

Guess it is time to err on the side of caution. With my purple cane in tow, I race back inside the house to fetch my camera and cell phone. When I return, Person X is no longer wandering on the sidewalk. But wait, I see them with the baby stroller slowly making their way into the school parking lot. They have followed one of the staff cars into the locked area.

With a lot of hesitation, I call the police.

What has happened to our society? Gone are the days when we left our homes and cars unlocked, where we played in the streets without a care in the world, and where we trusted one another.

The second element of this conflict with the Stranger lies deep inside me. Several years ago I would have crossed the street, confronted them in a kindly manner and resolved this conflict for myself. I have martial arts training and self-defense is part of the package. Today, however, I realize that if the stranger is filled with ill intent, they could merely push me off balance and I’d be toast. The insecurity of the situation lies deep inside my soul. With the help of gentle friends, it is time to face a brick wall. For one of the first times in my life I feel disabled.

But I digress …

How should we react to fellow strangers? Are we duty bound to withhold snap judgments? Or is it our responsibility to be extra cautious of our surroundings? Has 9/11 etched such a deep scar in our hearts that being wary of the unknown will never leave us? Will our society be totally unpredictable forever?

Is it better to be complacent, vigilant or paranoid?

How would you have dealt with Person X? Today, my friend, I’m asking for your assistance in resolving this conflict. The details of this situation are irrelevant. It is the attitude that matters. Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

With love and light,

For the next 18 minutes, with the sounds of animals being bathed and clipped in the background, I listened as Nancy laughed, cried and told her story:

“My mom died last week and now I am an orphan.  She lived in a wheelchair with a severe disability for over 24 years, but she was not ready to go.  Now there is no one ahead of me—both of my parents are gone.  The glue that held our family together has been dissolved.”

She went on to paint a picture of a lady who was an active member in TOPS, a philanthropist, and a devoted mother.  She took comfort in thinking of her mom’s soul being free to run and take long walks and use her arms for cultivating that garden that she had always wanted.

At her mom’s memorial service, Nancy listened to numerous stories about her mom from friends she hadn’t met.  She cried when that daily phone call from her mom never came.

Having lost both of my parents, I empathized with her, laughed with her and cried with her.  Life without your parents is a dichotomy of liberation and severe loss.  Yes, I could wear flaming red nail polish and dye my hair purple after my parents passed on.  There was no one there to give me “that look” of disapproval.  But after 27 years, I still can’t hear the song, “Precious Lord” or buy a Mother’s Day card without feeling pain.

This afternoon when I pick Abbie up, I’ll leave a sympathy card with Nancy, along with a tchotchke  to remind her that friends are supporting her.  She may consider herself an orphan, but she’s not alone!

When you lose a parent or loved one, take the single strength you admire most in them and incorporate that quality into your own life.  In some small way, they will then continue to live life through you.  When you consciously employ that one quality in your day-to-day life, you’ll think of them and it will give you strength and warm memories to embrace you.

In Loving Memory,

Dar

As part of our annual Mother’s Day celebration, my brother, Arthur R. Davis, Jr., M.D., wrote a letter to our mom.

On this early Mother’s Day morning, I felt compelled to share it with you:

Dear Mom,

It has been 27 years since you took your last breath with me standing at your side.  For some, that would seem to be a very long time.  For me it seems just like yesterday.

The mark you left on my life – as well as giving me life – was indelible!  Every day and frequently throughout the day, I use the gifts and talents that you both passed on and cultivated in me to bless others.  I can truly say as did Mary, the Mother of Jesus, “I am blessed of God because of you!”

What you taught me so well was this lesson:  It doesn’t matter what you have, what things look like, how popular I am or how good it feels.  What matters is who I am, what I stand for and how I treat my fellow man.

Time and again you modeled this in your life.  What you responded to in me and others was our needs.  You were so intuitive about sensing them and so effective at addressing them.  If I needed, you were there.  If anyone else needed you, you were there for them.

Two more things I wish to highlight, Mom.  First, was your walk with God.  It was so practical and yet so powerful.  I saw miracles happen because of your faith.  Miraculous changes in peoples’ lives –they became different human beings.  I love that walk and in ways it has become my walk.

The second thing I wish to share with you is your love.  I’ve heard people talk about unconditional love, but with you I experienced it.  No matter where I was, how I acted or what I did or didn’t accomplish, your love was there.  I felt it, I saw it and I reveled in it.

Thank you Mom for being my Mother, my role model, and my inspiration.

I love you,

Art

Settling into the back seat, I noticed that the driver felt lonely and pretty depressed.

Mother Teresa’s story flashed into my mind. She was being interviewed by Pat McMahon in Phoenix. Elated that he was in the presence of Mother Teresa, he repeatedly asked her what he could do for her. After multiple attempts, this 80 pound 4’10” woman tapped him on the shoulder and said, “Patrick, if you really want to do something for me, get up at 4:00 tomorrow morning. Go out on the streets of Phoenix and find someone who is lonely. Make them feel that they’re not alone—that they do count.”

Employing the essence of her story, I started talking with the cab driver. His story was painful to hear.   He was driving a converted police car twelve hours a day for six days a week. He shared the cab with another guy who drove it the other twelve hours. Each Monday morning they paid the cab owner $600 for the use of the car. He went on to recount his journey from Ethiopia to the United States seven years ago and he shared some of his life experiences.

As I left the cab he smiled and it seemed that his shoulders were a little straighter. We shook hands and went our separate ways.

We never know what burden the person next to us is carrying. As Dr. Wayne Dyer says, “The peace that you want for yourself, want it more for someone else.”

The message that rings loud in my head is give, give, give!  A small gesture can go a long way to helping the brother or sister beside you.

Do you feel that power, that mindset? Whew! It gives me chills …

With an Attitude of Giving,

Dar

Yours In Success,

Dar

What’s your response when someone in a service industry goes out of their way to help you?  They really make a strong impression on you.  Do you let them know how they impacted your day?

A couple of days ago I took my car into a dealership for servicing.  In order to get a loaner car you needed your license and proof of insurance — duh!  I had just changed handbags so I was without my insurance info  (talk about feeling stupid …).

The car loaner office was a cold trailer.  It was 7:00 a.m. and it looked like the little girl behind the desk hadn’t had her morning cup of coffee.  When I explained my predicament, she called my insurance company and had them fax a copy of the insurance card to her.  It took an extra 8 minutes to do.

There was a line behind me.  She could have just said, “Nope, I’m sorry.  You can drive a Ford but not a Honda today.”

When I picked up my car the next day I called the owner of the dealership (having worked with him in a past life).  I enthusiastically let him know what an extraordinary employee he had in the car rental department.

The owner told me that his son had just returned from college and set up a Facebook Fan Page for the dealership.  I texted a great review of my experience on their Fan Page, too.

That simple act of kindness made my day.

“At 211 degrees, water is hot.  At 212 degrees, it boils.  And with boiling water, comes steam.  And with steam, you can power a train.” Sam Parker

Just ONE degree makes all the difference in the world.  One action that goes beyond the norm creates an open, receptive environment where you want to do more business with that individual or company.  You WANT to come back ‘cuz they made you feel good!

I’d love to hear your “extra mile” experiences.  Have you sent a note or spoken with an owner or manager acknowledging the event?  Did you let the guy/girl know they made your day?  Please share your stories below.

Striving For The Extra Mile,

Dar

Carole  King’s  song,  “You’ve Got A  Friend”  promises  “Winter, spring,  summer, or fall–all you’ve got to do is call–and  I’ll be there.” Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.

What do you do when a friend for many years “checks out” of your friendship?

While our society rarely talks about it, the loss of a long-term friend with whom you have shared a lengthy history and one who has weathered the grumpy-not-so-beautiful moods, can be as painful as the loss of a romantic relationship.

Few people get to know us as we truly are.

A select handful shares our joy, sorrow, pain, school grades, birth of children, divorce, wealth and happiness with us.  We open ourselves to them, leaving us vulnerable.  They are woven into the very fabric of our lives.  When that thread is taken away the fabric feels torn.

We had never been able to communicate when there was a disagreement.  We would just stop talking for a month or so until whatever bothered us blew over.  Driving home from work after a span of time one of us would call the other one.  This was someone who I called my sister.  She was part of my family and I never considered life without her.

A simple email that stated “We no longer have anything in common” changed that.

I spent several months feeling pain in the loss of friendship.  I felt incredibly sorry for myself and played old worn out tapes of would’a, should’a, could’a.   I waited for that 5:30 p.m. call on the way home from work that never came.

It was time to face change!

How to do that gracefully?

I witnessed it through the example of a beautiful 84-year-old woman.  Eight months ago she lost her life long companion.  Three months thereafter a pacemaker was installed to regulate her heart beat.  A month ago she moved across the US, leaving her home of 53 years.  She moved into a senior living facility—and guess what?  The next day she went to breakfast and started meeting people.  She learned the California freeway system so she could be independent.  She is now taking classes in art, knitting and online education.

While I am sure that she did her share of grieving, she seized each day and marched forward.  She filled her being with new challenges, people and experiences.  She laughed and danced and opened her heart again …

So the lesson here is to face loss head-on.  If you need to grieve, do so.  Send love to the one who dismissed you and wish them well in the future.  Then get busy and immerse yourself in The Now.  See the sunshine in each day and awaken with an Attitude of Gratitude!

In the words of Katie Freiling, an incredible teacher/mentor of mine, “The more we open to life and become the ‘experiencer’ of it, rather than staying attached to any certain person, place, or experience, the more bliss and peace we will invite into our lives.”

How have you handled change when it stared you in the face?  I’d love to hear your ideas in the comment section below

Carpe Diem!