“Death is no more than passing from one room into another. But there’s a difference for me, you know. Because in that other room I shall be able to see. “
Helen Keller
Rushing into the groomers with Abbie (my 4.5 lb. toy poodle) in tow, I was caught short by the solemn expression on the owner’s face. “What’s wrong, Nancy, I questioned?”
For the next 18 minutes, with the sounds of animals being bathed and clipped in the background, I listened as Nancy laughed, cried and told her story:
“My mom died last week and now I am an orphan. She lived in a wheelchair with a severe disability for over 24 years, but she was not ready to go. Now there is no one ahead of me—both of my parents are gone. The glue that held our family together has been dissolved.”
She went on to paint a picture of a lady who was an active member in TOPS, a philanthropist, and a devoted mother. She took comfort in thinking of her mom’s soul being free to run and take long walks and use her arms for cultivating that garden that she had always wanted.
At her mom’s memorial service, Nancy listened to numerous stories about her mom from friends she hadn’t met. She cried when that daily phone call from her mom never came.
Having lost both of my parents, I empathized with her, laughed with her and cried with her. Life without your parents is a dichotomy of liberation and severe loss. Yes, I could wear flaming red nail polish and dye my hair purple after my parents passed on. There was no one there to give me “that look” of disapproval. But after 27 years, I still can’t hear the song, “Precious Lord” or buy a Mother’s Day card without feeling pain.
This afternoon when I pick Abbie up, I’ll leave a sympathy card with Nancy, along with a tchotchke to remind her that friends are supporting her. She may consider herself an orphan, but she’s not alone!
When you lose a parent or loved one, take the single strength you admire most in them and incorporate that quality into your own life. In some small way, they will then continue to live life through you. When you consciously employ that one quality in your day-to-day life, you’ll think of them and it will give you strength and warm memories to embrace you.
In Loving Memory,
Dar
June 17th, 2010 at 4:19 pm
Dar,
What an amazing post by an amazing woman! I really liked what you said about incorporating a quality into your life that you most admire from your loved one. That’s a great takeaway. Thanks so much for sharing this heartwarming post.
Debbie Stevens´s last [type] ..Getting the Connection
June 17th, 2010 at 5:23 pm
Wow Darlene! This one made me cry. I lost my dad a few years ago and every time I get in the car lately I hear the song that was played at his funeral. I feel like he is there with me while I am driving. I like how you say to take what you admired most about that person and incorporate that quality into your own life. Thanks for sharing this post!
Angela
Angela´s last [type] ..How a Positive Attitude Can Transform Your Network Marketing Business
June 18th, 2010 at 5:44 am
Darlene – This is such a touching post and you give really great advice to everyone dealing with the loss of a loved one! Thanks for sharing your wonderful insight:)
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June 18th, 2010 at 6:32 am
Hi Dar, this was a bittersweet post. I am an orphan too. Both my parents died in my forty’s.. I miss them terribly, but life goes on. You’re right about the freedom. In many ways I became more of myself, stronger, found my “voice”,But still miss them … thanks for a lovely post. I hope Nancy is doing okay. It takes a while to adjust…
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June 18th, 2010 at 7:16 am
Darlene~
Beautiful~ You are beautiful! I am touched to the core with this post. I’m very grateful that both my parents are still alive and well. My heart goes out to all of you who have lost parents. I know that this is the way it should be, parents dying before us, but just like all ‘shoulds’ it’s not easy. I’m happy for you that you can feel the goodness of friends, and share your friendship with others. I’m expecially happy to be one of them.
Love,
~Linda
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June 18th, 2010 at 9:06 am
What a beautiful post! I love that quote from Helen Keller!
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June 18th, 2010 at 5:12 pm
A very touching post, Darlene! Thank you. It shows what a wonderful person you are to share a meaningful way like incorporating a loved ones qualities into your life as a way to remember them.
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June 18th, 2010 at 7:36 pm
A very touching story Dar,
one that sets us thinking about our parents and the future. I love your analogy of death being likened to walking from one room to another. This is just how I see it, we are infinite energy, so we will always be, simply in another form.
Thanks for sharing.
To Infinite Energy.
Toni
Toni King’s last blog post:http://tonisuggests.com/what-you-think-you-are/
June 18th, 2010 at 8:13 pm
Hello, Dar: What a well-written post about a very sensitive topic. I know this time in my life, losing my parents, is not far away. Your post helps me to have a new perspective. Thank you for giving us the proper insight.
Deborah