Carole  King’s  song,  “You’ve Got A  Friend”  promises  “Winter, spring,  summer, or fall–all you’ve got to do is call–and  I’ll be there.” Many people expect that their friends will always be there. They expect friendship to last forever.

What do you do when a friend for many years “checks out” of your friendship?

While our society rarely talks about it, the loss of a long-term friend with whom you have shared a lengthy history and one who has weathered the grumpy-not-so-beautiful moods, can be as painful as the loss of a romantic relationship.

Few people get to know us as we truly are.

A select handful shares our joy, sorrow, pain, school grades, birth of children, divorce, wealth and happiness with us.  We open ourselves to them, leaving us vulnerable.  They are woven into the very fabric of our lives.  When that thread is taken away the fabric feels torn.

We had never been able to communicate when there was a disagreement.  We would just stop talking for a month or so until whatever bothered us blew over.  Driving home from work after a span of time one of us would call the other one.  This was someone who I called my sister.  She was part of my family and I never considered life without her.

A simple email that stated “We no longer have anything in common” changed that.

I spent several months feeling pain in the loss of friendship.  I felt incredibly sorry for myself and played old worn out tapes of would’a, should’a, could’a.   I waited for that 5:30 p.m. call on the way home from work that never came.

It was time to face change!

How to do that gracefully?

I witnessed it through the example of a beautiful 84-year-old woman.  Eight months ago she lost her life long companion.  Three months thereafter a pacemaker was installed to regulate her heart beat.  A month ago she moved across the US, leaving her home of 53 years.  She moved into a senior living facility—and guess what?  The next day she went to breakfast and started meeting people.  She learned the California freeway system so she could be independent.  She is now taking classes in art, knitting and online education.

While I am sure that she did her share of grieving, she seized each day and marched forward.  She filled her being with new challenges, people and experiences.  She laughed and danced and opened her heart again …

So the lesson here is to face loss head-on.  If you need to grieve, do so.  Send love to the one who dismissed you and wish them well in the future.  Then get busy and immerse yourself in The Now.  See the sunshine in each day and awaken with an Attitude of Gratitude!

In the words of Katie Freiling, an incredible teacher/mentor of mine, “The more we open to life and become the ‘experiencer’ of it, rather than staying attached to any certain person, place, or experience, the more bliss and peace we will invite into our lives.”

How have you handled change when it stared you in the face?  I’d love to hear your ideas in the comment section below

Carpe Diem!