Sailing, rollerblading, hiking, Taekwondo and running were 
part of the routine. It was the 90’s. Our lives were consumed with raising children, working, studying and playing. Health was taken for granted. I always joked that we’d have a rollerblading party when I turned 90.
Fast forward to July of 2005. A visit to the neurologist’s office confirmed what physical changes were taking place. In his cold, disinterested manner he stated the following:
1. I had primary progressive multiple sclerosis
2. There were no effective drugs on the market to use with this type of MS
3. Get a second opinion
4. He would write a prescription for a wheelchair.
Decision time: Just live ABOVE the MS. Rip up the ******* wheelchair Rx. Don’t let it stop me from being a whole person WITHOUT a disability. I’m a stubborn Aries and I can do whatever I put my mind to. That has been my thought process every waking day for the last five years.
When balance became a bit of an issue I learned to walk (sometimes) with a cane. It’s a purple one with lots of flowers on it and it makes people laugh.
Several weeks ago my favorite cousin flew in from Ohio for six days of “r and r” in San Diego. Whether we were goofy kids at Sea World feeding and petting the dolphins or at the Ranunculus Flower Show in Carlsbad, she was my legs.
This is difficult to explain, but here goes a shot at it. I’m only brave enough to talk about this because of fellow MS survivor, Linda G. Cox. For an independent, confident, stubborn soul, asking for (or wanting for that matter) any assistance from anyone is out of the question. No matter how tired your legs get, the attitude remains that “I can do it all!”
It requires a very loving person to fill a “caretaker” position without stepping on your toes—no pun intended! They need to sense your weakness, take over without saying a word, and still treat you as “normal.” No looks, no stares, no “can I help you?” They just DO it! It is a true balancing act that my cousin knew how to fill.
While it was her vacation, she gave me the greatest gift by being herself and helping me straddle the fence of looking at disability head on. She knew when to get the walker out for me to use, how to offer an arm for stability, and how to make getting a motorized cart at Sea World an adventure (yes, you can do donuts in them). She never ONCE treated me as less than a whole person. Mind you, we have gotten in a whole lot of trouble together throughout our lifetime. It would have been easy for her to regret walking on the beach without me. That hesitation was never there!
My hat’s off to this incredible lady. I thank HER for being a caretaker without making me feel like a burden to her. She should write a book about unassumingly assisting someone in need. I call it filling in the cracks.
My message to you is to NEVER take your health and the simple things in life like walking for granted. While I live a rich, full life, walking is a treasured activity. I revel in walking to get the mail, grocery shopping or playing in the back yard with my toy poodle. I also anticipate the day when walking will once again be an activity I can take for granted!
With Gratitude and Love,
Dar
May 14th, 2010 at 3:18 pm
Darlene, your appreciation for your cousin is as gracious as her care-giving of you. It’s a beautiful circle you’ve inscribed together and enlarged by including me, for one, who always feels awkward about how much help to give, how much notice to take, how much joking to do, how much assistance to extend to someone whom I sense needs a little something extra.
Your forthrightness is a gift to your growing circle of readers.
May 14th, 2010 at 4:13 pm
I thank you Darlene for the honor of personally sharing this with you. You are a fabulous person, living through an incredibly difficult experience. They say only the strong… Well whether we’re strong or not, we’ve got it! I’m happy that I have such a wonderful person to share this experience with, someone to cry with!
Linda G Cox´s last blog ..Walking Update: April 22, 2010
May 14th, 2010 at 5:47 pm
Wonderful inspiration. Thank you for sharing. I live for stories like this. There are always blessings and “little angels” around us. It takes courage, but hey, what doesn’t? You are in my prayers,
Donna Merrill
Donna Merrill´s last blog ..MLM Online Marketing
May 14th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Hi Darlene, it takes a strong and caring person to share their personal struggles with an intention to help others. I love the comment Linda Secretan left… ‘Your forthrightness is a gift to your growing circle of readers.’
You are truly blessed to have such a special loving cousin, just as she is to have you.
The relationship you both share is precious.
Thanks for sharing Dar.
((hugs))
Toni
May 14th, 2010 at 11:58 pm
Hey Darlene…I’m so glad I stopped by. I so appreciate you sharing not only your gratefulness but your struggles with MS and the joy you find in life nevertheless. Don’t ever give up…keep fighting the good fight. You are an inspiration!
Yesterday I went to the hospital to visit a baby who was about 8 hours old. I had never met these people but they rent a property of ours in another state (not too far away though). They just happened to be new renters since the last time I was there.
Anyhow…the little baby girl was born without half of her left arm. I looked at that baby girl and was so blessed by the gift of life the LORD had given this family. She was a testimony to the fact that hardships happen…and although there may be a great struggle…great joy can be found amidst them.
Since you live that out…you have a tremendous impact on others and are a great encouragement to people going through their own struggles…thank you so very much for sharing with us!
May 15th, 2010 at 3:34 am
Hi Darlene,
Wow this was really moving, and inspirational! Thanks for posting it. Sharing stuff like this helps everyone since we get to see the really good side of people that often gets overlooked.
I’m going to go to bed tonight (it’s bedtime where I’m at) repeating your quote in my head, “My message to you is to NEVER take your health and the simple things in life like walking for granted.”
Thanks.
Peace,
Darren L carter
Darren L Carter´s last blog ..Starting at Zero: Online Business
May 16th, 2010 at 3:26 pm
Thank you cousin for the beautiful complements. I was only following the examples set by our wonderful mothers. It was a great vacation and as soon as I can save up a few more $$$$ I’ll be out there again for more adventures. Get ready!
May 17th, 2010 at 2:20 pm
What an inspiring story, Darlene! One of the gifts we all have, but seldom use, is the gift of knowing when to reach out for help. Most of us find that more difficult than struggling on our own: it’s such a small thing, but so powerful!
Thank you for sharing your story.
Alan
May 18th, 2010 at 4:39 am
Wow, Dar! Such a fantastic post! Your transparency touched my heart in such a special way! Your courage and spirit never fail to inspire me. I’m blessed to have such a wonderfully talented, beautiful person in my life. You are going places and you’re going to walk to get there. I’m cheering you on.
Debbie Stevens´s last blog ..If You Believe It, You Can Do It
May 18th, 2010 at 5:50 pm
Darlene,
What a very cool experience you share with all of us here. We can all learn from your cousin that no matter who we are and what physical shape we’re in… we are all special people and should be treated like we are.
Our hats off to your special cousin… a rare gift indeed.
Thanks,
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
Pat and Lorna Shanks´s last blog ..Fond Memories, or Just Plain Ole’ Fed Up?
May 18th, 2010 at 6:03 pm
Darlene,
Even through your difficulties you acknowledge the blessings you have through your cousin. We are all blessed if we look around us and concentrate on the positive things we have. I too have had to deal with something similar. My wife was involved in a serious accident about 4 years ago. She has pushed herself to make some what of a full recovery. But not without help from family.
Thank You for sharing your story. You are an encouragement to others and I’m blessed to have read this.
Bill
Bill Hartman´s last blog ..Will the IPad Help You With Social Media
June 4th, 2010 at 2:54 pm
Darlene,
What a very cool experience you share with all of us here. We can all learn from your cousin that no matter who we are and what physical shape we’re in… we are all special people and should be treated like we are.
Our hats off to your special cousin… a rare gift indeed.
Thanks,
~ Pat and Lorna
http://TheCoolestCouple.com
Pat and Lorna Shanks´s last blog ..Fond Memories, or Just Plain Ole’ Fed Up?